Getting Thru Father's Day with Grieving Dad Jeff Cottrell 041
When life takes unexpected turns, our perspective often undergoes a significant transformation. In the face of tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one, our outlook on life can change dramatically. This episode is a heartfelt conversation with Jeff Cottrell, a father who experienced the devastating loss of his son, Austin. Despite the immense grief, Jeff's shares way that he has continued to honor his son’s memory, be an active participant in the men’s grief support group Helping Fathers Heal and recognizing the connection he still has with Austin.
Click here to download Tips for Supporting Grieving Dads.
Jeff and his son Austin who passed away in an accident on December 16, 2019.
Shifting Perspectives: Jeff emphasized the transformative power of perspective. He explained how the worst possible thing had already happened to their family, allowing them to let go of petty grievances that once consumed their thoughts. Trivial matters no longer held the same weight, enabling them to focus on what truly matters in life. Jeff and his wife also shared premonitions and conversations with Austin that seemed to foreshadow his passing, leading them to believe that his departure was part of a larger plan, albeit a difficult one to accept.
“I do think it’s a plan, but I really don’t understand that plan. It’s hard to accept that plan.”
Finding Healing: In the midst of grief, triggers often emerge, reminding us of the pain we carry in our hearts. For Jeff, certain songs would evoke strong emotions tied to his son's memory. Embracing these moments allowed him to release pent-up emotions and embark on the healing process. Another source of solace for Jeff was immersing himself in nature. Hunting and fishing, activities he enjoyed with Austin and the whole family, provided a sense of connection and peace. In nature's embrace, he felt closer to his son and found solace in the beauty of the world around him.
At Austin’s graduation in December 2018, exactly one year before his death.
Celebrating Austin's Life: The Cottrell family continues to honor Austin's memory in various ways. On special occasions like weddings, they keep him present by wearing keychains with his thumbprint or including him symbolically in the celebrations. Jeff and his wife also started a tradition of performing random acts of kindness on Austin's birthday, sharing his love and generosity with the world.
Austin was a big sports fan, the family even requested people wear Wisconsin sports attire to his services.
Jeff said that now the family focuses on honoring Austin’s honor by doing random acts of kindness, setting up a free library in their neighborhood, helping those in need and maintaining a community garden to try and bring something good. None of the good things they do are going to take away the pain for Jeff and his family, but he shared that it helps them to take this tragedy and try to turn it into some kindness so at least it meant something.
The final advice he said on the podcast was to encourage people to speak to the grieving families about their loved ones. He said they talk about this in the Helping Fathers Heal support group and most of the dads agree that they would prefer people shared their memories of their deceased child.
“If you talk about our kid, that means they meant something to you, and share a story. So I would say, reach out to them, about their kid, share a memory. Those are the great stories that can warm your heart a little bit.”
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Links from this episode:
Helping Fathers Heal - spiritual grief support group for men
You can contact Jeff via email
Books that Jeff recommends:
My Search for Christopher on the Other Side by Joe McQuillen
Wolf’s Message by Suzanne Giesemann
10 Life-Changing Lessons From Heaven by Jeff Janssen