Handling the Hard Grief of Traumatic Loss 040
Grief is a complex journey, with its ups and downs, peaks and valleys. Last week, Whitney found herself in what she calls a dip in her grief, feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to function. It caught her off guard, as grief doesn't always have specific triggers. Over time, however, she’s learned valuable lessons that have helped her navigate these difficult moments. In this episode, she wanted to share three key insights that have made a difference in her grief journey.
First, don’t try to fight it. When grief hits hard, it's natural to resist and try to push through the pain. However, Whitney has discovered that accepting the dips and acknowledging them as part of her has made the journey more manageable. Rather than berating herself or pressuring to feel better, she’s learned to give herself permission to be wherever she is emotionally.
“By allowing myself to take it easy, I've found that passing through these dips becomes less exhausting,” said Whitney.
Second, be self-aware. Take the time to analyze and observe how and when your grief shows up. Is there a cycle or pattern to it that can help you be better prepared? Recognizing that there is in fact a cycle to your grief can help you remember that you won’t always be in this dip and the rise will come.
Another part of that is considering your personality and what are your strengths and weaknesses? Whitney shares that for her, being vulnerable and honest about her struggles was uncomfortable at first but it has been a crucial step in her healing process.
“Communicating with loved ones and close friends about my tough days has helped me build a support system. Accepting their help, whether it’s offering a listening ear or assisting with chores, has been a gift not only to me but also to those who care about me. It’s okay to lean on others and allow them to be there for you during challenging times.”
Using a personality test, astrology signs, or in Whitney’s case Human Design, as tools to help you learn more about your habits, natural preferences and things you don’t resonate with can help you find your own way to navigate your grief. When Whitney discovered Human Design and got her chart she felt a sign of relief in learning more things about herself that she had been vaguely aware of but could never put her finger on. Simply put, learning more about her unique personality gave her the comfort to do things her own way.
Lastly, try new things. Explore and try new things that might support you in your grief. Whitney has tried many things that didn’t work for her: gardening, Orange Theory, and growing indoor plants. But also many new things that did help her: long drives in remote areas, hiking, reading (both to learn and for entertainment), crocheting, binge watching tv, yoga at home, and journaling.
“It’s not about what you do, it’s about finding the things that help you zone out, or smile, but most importantly, get in touch with your true self,” said Whitney.
Grief is not a linear process, but rather a series of cycles. By embracing the dips, being honest with ourselves and others, and practicing self-compassion, we can navigate the complexities of grief more effectively.
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For more information you can connect with Whitney directly on Instagram @theselfishgriever or at www.theselfishgriever.com
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Links from this episode:
Astrologist Danielle Bernstein
Human Design App - Whitney highly recommends if you want to learn more
Books that Whitney recommends for leisure reading:
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue
The Selection by Kierra Cass (this is a 5-book series, that reminds me of The Hunger Games but in a romantic setting - some of them are free on Kindle Unlimited)